Sunday, December 12, 2010

Why I am always Without-a-Doubt Depressed during the Holidays

Each list item applies every year -- they aren't specific to just this year.
  • Too much time to think
  • School just ended for a time; I feel less productive day to day
  • Increased feeling of isolation and loneliness
  • Stress from being around my family, shopping, commercialism, over-stimulation, etc.
  • Mounting pressure for the new year; personal expectations forming and growing
  • Realization that I'm no closer to feeling loved than I was January 1st
  • I'll even go so far as to say: it is always a bad energy time of year for me. If you believe, or have noticed, that each year has a rhythm, astrological or otherwise, then you might be able to acknowledge that certain times of year just spell disaster emotionally and psychologically at certain times. This is one of those times. I have yet to experience December 5th to about mid-January any other way than this, even growing up. Although, this year may be the first time I am openly communicative about it than I ever have had bravery enough to do.

So, all I can do is try and reach a few goals, speak openly and honestly as I can with my loved ones, and try and find some focus within the mental mayhem.

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My Ever - Updating Book List

**update on August 24, 2011. This is getting pretty tiresome. I'm ending the updating list. I'll still always blog about cool books, but the list I'm dropping pronto.


My Book List starting as of December 1st, 2010 and onwards. I continually update it. It keeps re-formatting to be double spaced, so I'll just keep it that way.

What I'm reading right now (near the top is more ongoing, near the bottom is cover to cover)
  • Zondervan TNIV Study Bible, Zondervan NIV Pocket Bible, Harper-Collins Study Bible NRSV, CEV Holy Bible, Inspired By Media OT and NT recordings

  • Poetry Daily: 366 Poems from the World's Most Popular Poetry Website edited by Boller, Selby, and Yost

  • The Intellectual Devotional by David Kidder and Noah Oppenheim

  • How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart

  • Harry, A History by Melissa Anelli

  • Book of Tea by K. Okakura


*new* Time spent listening to Audio Books since 12/1/2010

  • Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, narrated by Geoffrey Howard ~ 6 hours
  • Crazy Love by Francis Chan ~ 4.5 hours
  • In Search of #6 by Damon Timm ~ 9 hours
  • Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, Playaway version ~ 12 hours

Total: 31.5 hours


What I Have Read from 12/1/2010 onward (not in sequential order, includes books I read cover to cover or continually read)
  • Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan

  • The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman

  • Feeling Fat, Fuzzy, or Frazzled? by Richard and Karilee Shames

  • The Well-Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer

  • Poetry Daily: 366 Poems from the World's Most Popular Poetry Website edited by Boller, Selby, and Yost

  • The Intellectual Devotional by David Kidder and Noah Oppenheim

  • The Me I Want To Be by John Ortberg

  • What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Hypothyroidism by Ken Blanchard

  • Protein Power by Michael and Mary Eades

  • Desire by Amanda Quick

  • The Young Man and the Sea by Rodman Philbrick

  • The Last Book in the Universe by Rodman Philbrick

  • The Fire Pony by Rodman Philbrick

  • Max the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick

  • Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes

  • Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick

  • Know Your Cat: Understand How Your Cat Thinks and Behaves by Francesca Riccomini

  • Your Body's Many Cries for Water: You Are Not Sick, You are Thirsty! by Fereydoon Batmanghelidj, M. D.

  • Zondervan TNIV Study Bible (continuous)

  • The Harper-Collins Study Bible (NRSV) (reference often)

  • The Music Teacher: A Novel by Barbara Hall A favorite quote just for Therese relating to the time I revealed the "secret" to being a musician one day over a meal at Applebees: "The secret is something that only musicians understand. Music does not come from us. It comes through us...It's you and it isn't you. But how can that be?...How can there be a third thing that comes to life just because you've drawn a bow across some strings? It's the mystery of the Trinity. How can there be three Gods and only one? How it can be ceases to matter at some point. It only is, and that is the secret. That is the "it". Alchemy. Spinning all the parts into gold...It was what made Michelangelo pound the knee of his Moses and demand it to speak. It cannot be, but it is, and there is so much more of it than we can understand. An then, once we've glimpsed it, they expect us to walk around in the world with everyone else...This is the thing you stop talking about early on, but it haunts you, this knowing that there is something beyond you and your hapless plans and that it has picked you out as its messenger. Like Mary in the manger, you keep all these things and ponder them in your heart. Mary said yes to her assignment. But most of us say maybe. Which is worse than no."

  • A Place for Truth: Leading Thinkers Explore Life's Hardest Questions edited by Dallas Willard

  • The Spark: The 28-day Breakthrough Plan for Losing Weight, Getting Fit, and Transforming Your Life by Chris Downie

  • Out of Sync: A Memoir by Lance Bass

  • Power vs. Force: The Hidden Detriments of Human Behavior by David Hawkins


What I Want to Read:
  • The Confessions by Augustine

  • The Life of Saint Teresa of Avila by Herself by Teresa of Avila

  • Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners by John Bunyan

  • The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin

  • Walden by Henry David Thoreau

  • An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments with Truth by Mohandas Gandhi

  • The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton

  • Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C. S. Lewis

  • Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton

  • The Road from Coorain by Jill Ker Conway

  • All Rivers Run to the Sea: Memoirs by Elie Wiesel

  • Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes

  • The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton

  • Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer

  • The Stranger by Albert Camus

  • If on a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino

  • Possession by A. S. Byatt

  • Quicksilver by Neal Stephenson (and maybe all the rest in the cylce)

  • The Student Conductor by Robert Ford

  • Unfinished Tales by J.R.R Tolkien

  • The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub

  • The Stand by Stephen King

  • The Shining by Stephen King

  • Once Around the Realms by Brian Thomsen

  • Evermeet: Island of the Elves by Elaine Cunningham

  • The Shadow Stone by Richard Baker

  • The Glass Prison by Monte Cook

  • Pool of Radiance: The Ruins of Myth Drannor by Carrie Bebris

  • The Greater Trumps by Charles Williams

  • The Castle of Crossed Destinies by Italo Calvino

  • Tarot by Piers Anthony

  • Holy Fools by Joanna Harris

  • Little, Big by John Crowley

  • Labyrinth by Kate Mosse

  • The Wishing Garden by Christy Yorke

  • The Grift by Debra Ginsberg

  • A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens

  • The Book of Lost Tales (1 and 2) by J.R.R. Tolkien

  • The Tolkien Reader by J.R.R. Tolkien

  • Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan

  • Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

  • The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

  • everything else on my bookcase I haven't read! (I will add them when I read them)

Also, If you're seeking a way to rid yourself of books you no longer want in exchange for some *you* want, do check out www.paperbackswap.com. Instead of taking your books to a used book sale, send them individually to people who actually want them! In return, you get a "credit" and get to order one to be sent to you! Love, love, love the website: www.paperbackswap.com

Monday, November 29, 2010

Oh the people you meet

Oh the people you meet on SparkPeople.com. Love, love, love the site and owe it so much.

I'm really excited because this lady practically gave me a free, short astrology reading! Its not like she copy and pasted either. She wrote it in her vernacular and even asked questions! I'm a dork... Here it is:


Aq rising, Leo sun, Capr moon, Cancer merc, Aries mars

I take it that this is your make-up. The Leo Sun person has few children of her own, but LOVES children & often works with them, especially in theatre or art. The Moon in Capricorn person is born to a mother who was a worker & often had a difficult childhood needing to take on early responsibility & act much older than she wanted. Since the mother is often out of the home, the Capricorn moon child is often the "little mother". Aquarian rising is unusual, but often is found with an adopted child, or a child who didn't feel she belonged in the family. Do u have a 7th house Sun or sixth?

Aquarian rising can certainly have a "weight" problem since that feeling of isolation can turn to food for comfort. The first house Aquarian wants the self to be different, but with a Sun in LEO, that would be hard, since Leo is a "fixed Fire" sign that doesn't like to change. The "Queen" wants attention, but the Aquarian at the "door" to the self would want to march to a different beat.

That Moon in Capricorn gives u a lot of determination to finish what u start, and ur LEO certainly could get what she wants, so I can see u letting go of those pounds, since I don't think u really like them, as they "hide" the true you. LEO really needs a "stage", so I'm glad u r into music.

You'd do well with a Capricorn man, who wants a wife who can "show him off". It would help if he had LEO strong in his chart, or a good Aries. That Mars in Aries gives u lots of drive, but it may have caused u problems in your early childhood, if it is in ur 3rd House of siblings & childhood. But, then if u had responsibility for the family, then u needed that energy.

I wrote back:

It is true that I LOVE kids, I think a big contributing factor I found out later in life as I got into teaching more. As for Capr moon, my mom is essentially the sacrificing, bread winner of the family. I wouldn't say I had a difficult childhood in that I grew up in poor conditions, but my father is disabled and a stay at home Dad so my mom is the one doing all the running around and working, away from home as you said. You could say I'm a little mother for my younger bro and sis; I LOVE being an older sister; I love my bro and sister so, so much.

I've often struggled in understanding my rising sign in Aqu. My dad is a sun sign Aqu too, so that energy is shaping my masculine Sun energy of Leo, hah. It may have given me an advantage to be more okay with it however. My sun is in the sixth house, which, I think, makes me just that much more ambitious with moon in Capr.

One thing that definately influenced from Aqu rising was the food as comfort; you can say that again! With the help of my spirituality and gained energy, I am overcoming this. On the contrary, I think the first house Aquarian goes perfectly with a sun Leo and wanting to be different...a different Leo, that is; a different Leo and wanting attention for it, which, at my best, I strive to be.

My mars is actually in the second house, which can make me somewhat of a control freak sometimes; need my space and dont touch my things! Again, goes with the earthy moon sign and fixed, stubborn sun. Its the "evil side", but mars also give me added impulse to get things done...like weight loss, when its with purpose.

You didn't mention anything about my merc sign in Cancer. Somehow, it has always seemed out of place in my chart for a long, long time. I have all these fixed, earthy, fiery combinations then...mercury in cancer!?!? I think this helps me appeal to no only helping others when im teaching music but helps me gravitate to music in general, getting lost in the moment. it helps me generate trust in others and help to make them feel safe when they are crying on my shoulder, making music in the classroom, or otherwise caring and loving others. What are you insights to the cancer side of things?

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Pretty sure -- Recital Program May 16nth

I'm pretty sure my Senior Recital program is going to be as follows. I'll update it if it changes. I think I may start pouring notes into this page as well, information I wish to remember.


Recital info:

May 16th, 2010
1:00 pm
Varner Recital Hall
Oakland University

Trisha Lee, flute
Angelina Pashmakov, piano


Aaron Copland (1900 - 1990) - Duo
I. Flowing
II. Poetic, somewhat mournful
III. Lively, with bounce

One of his country’s most enduringly successful composers, Copland created a distinctively American style and aesthetic in works of varying difficulty for a diversity of genres and mediums, including ballet, opera and film. Also active as a critic, mentor, advocate and concert organizer, he played a decisive role in the growth of serious music in the Americas in the 20th century. One of his last substantial pieces was a Duo for flute and piano (1971).

http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com/subscriber/article/grove/music/06422?q=copland&search=quick&pos=2&_start=1#S06422.2


Michael Colquhoun (1951 - ) - Charanga
(for flute alone)

Composer/flutist Michael Colquhoun is currently active as a solo recitalist, as a teacher and composer, and as Adjunct Professor of Music at Canisius College. He has earned his Ph.D. from the State University of New York at Buffalo where he studied with Robert Dick, Morton Feldman, Lejaren Hiller, and Leo Smit. Dr. Colquhoun's compositions draw upon both the Classical and Jazz traditions, and often involve a mixture of composed and improvised elements working together to produce a coherent whole. His compositions for flute and other media have entered the “standard repertoire” and are performed regularly on a worldwide basis. His jazz ensemble pieces have been in continual performance by Buffalo, Boston, Miami and New York City jazz ensembles.

". . . His brief and charming solo flute entry Charanga drapes its Latin American sounding fabric with subtle yet pervasive extented techniques such as multiphonics and speak-play passages." David Cleary, The New Music Connoisseur, Fall/Winter 2003

http://zendogs.org/bio.html


Paul Hindemith (1895 - 1963) - Flute Sonata
I. Heiter bewegt "Sunny, cheerful moves" but I also found translations for the opposite: "overcast moves"
II. Sehr langsam "Very slow"
III. Sehr lebhaft - Marsch "Very lively - March"

German composer, theorist, teacher, viola player and conductor. The foremost German composer of his generation, he was a figure central to both music composition and musical thought during the inter-war years.

Hindemith was called up for military service at the end of 1917 and in January 1918 joined his regiment (then stationed in Alsace but sent to Flanders the following summer). He was assigned to the regimental band, in which he played the bass drum. During the last months of the war, however, he was posted to the trenches as a sentry, surviving grenade attacks only by good luck, as his diary reveals. While in the army he formed a string quartet and managed to continue composing. Later he wrote of a particular incident that held decisive significance for him: playing Debussy’s String Quartet at the very moment when the news of Debussy’s death was announced on the radio.

We did not play to the end. It was as if our playing had been robbed of the breath of life. But we realized for the first time that music is more than style, technique and the expression of powerful feelings. Music reached out beyond political boundaries, national hatred and the horrors of war. On no other occasion have I seen so clearly what direction music must take. (Zeugnis in Bildern, p.8)

http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com/subscriber/article/grove/music/13053?q=hindemith&search=quick&pos=1&_start=1#firsthit

This particular Sonata was written in 1936, a few short years before Hindemith emigrated to the US. By this point, all of his music had been banned in his homeland.


(5 minute break)


J. S. Bach (1685-1750) - Flute Partita in A minor, BMV 1013 (for flute alone)

Bach's Partita in A minor for solo flute, BWV 1013, is considered by some to be the earliest of his authenticated compositions for the instrument. It has conjecturally been dated to the 1720s or, by some, to a date nearer the beginning of the composer's employment at Cothen, 1718. Although not entirely idiomatic in its writing, the Partita is an essential part of a very limited repertoire for the unaccompanied flute. It opens with an Allemande, coupled, as tradition dictated, with a livelier Corrente. The slow Sarabande leads to a final English Bourree.
http://oakland.naxosmusiclibrary.com/work.asp?wid=1115&cid=DE3402

I. Allemande : An allemande is a German dance (the word itself is French) in 4/4 time, often the first dance in a baroque dance suite, where it is frequently followed by a courante, a more rapid dance. The allemande, which appears in earlier English sources often as alman, almain or with similar spellings, is generally moderate in speed. http://oakland.naxosmusiclibrary.com/resources/glossary/allemande.htm
II. Corrente : The French courante, a triple-time dance movement found frequently in the baroque dance suite, generally follows the allemande, the opening German dance. It is sometimes not distinguished from the Italian corrente, although the corrente is generally simpler in texture and rhythm than its French counterpart. http://oakland.naxosmusiclibrary.com/resources/glossary/Courante.htm
III. Sarabande : The sarabande is a slow dance in triple metre, generally found in the baroque instrumental suite. The dance seems to have been Latin American in origin, imported from Latin America to Spain in the 16th century.
http://oakland.naxosmusiclibrary.com/resources/glossary/Sarabande.htm

IV. Bouree Anglaise : A bourrée is a duple-rhythm French dance sometimes found in the baroque dance suite, where it was later placed after the sarabande, with other lighter additional dances.
http://oakland.naxosmusiclibrary.com/resources/glossary/bourree.htm



Salomon Jadassohn (1831 - 1902) - Notturno in G, Opp. 133

German composer, theorist, teacher and conductor. His students included Busoni, George Chadwick, Delius, Grieg, Karg-Elert and Felix Weingartner. Although successful as a performer, theorist and teacher, Jadassohn considered himself primarily a composer. He wrote works for piano, chamber ensemble, orchestra, chorus and solo voices, comprising over 140 opus numbers, but was perhaps best known for his canonic compositions: the Serenade for Orchestra op.35, two serenades for piano opp.8 and 125, the ballet music op.58 and the vocal duets opp.9, 36, 38 and 43. He also edited and arranged works by Bach, Brahms, Chopin, Mendelssohn, Schubert, Schumann, Wagner and others.
http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com/subscriber/article/grove/music/14087?q=jadassohn&search=quick&pos=1&_start=1#S14087.1



Francis Poulenc (1899 - 1963) - Flute Sonata
I. Allegro malinconico
II. Cantilena: Assez lent
III. Presto giocoso

French composer and pianist. This Sonata was written 1956-7. Poulenc never questioned the supremacy of the tonal-modal system. Chromaticism in his music is never more than passing, even if he used the diminished 7th more than any leading composer since Verdi. Texturally, rhythmically, harmonically, he was not particularly inventive. For him the most important element of all was melody and he found his way to a vast treasury of undiscovered tunes within an area that had, according to the most up-to-date musical maps, been surveyed, worked and exhausted. His definitive statement came perhaps in a letter of 1942: ‘I know perfectly well that I'm not one of those composers who have made harmonic innovations like Igor [Stravinsky], Ravel or Debussy, but I think there's room for new music which doesn't mind using other people's chords. Wasn't that the case with Mozart–Schubert?’. And if Poulenc was not quite a Schubert, he is among the 20th century's most eligible candidates for the succession.
http://www.oxfordmusiconline.com/subscriber/article/grove/music/22202?q=poulenc&search=quick&pos=1&_start=1#firsthit

Friday, February 19, 2010

Surprising myself

It often surprises me when:

Someone actually wants to converse with me (especially when I don't know him/her that well), maybe I should re-phrase this one...someone actually is LOOKING AT ME meaningfully when he/she is talking to me
Someone reminds me I'm important
I can influence others
I can make something happen that might not have happened before, or as successfully
When I receive a compliment
When I am thanked
Someone asks me for advice
When I know I am important


Call me a downer, but I tend to have a low opinion of myself lately.


I like list entries.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

My Night of Alone




This is my first ever post! PLEASE comment. The good ones stay, the bad ones get added to a special blog I may or may not publish someday...

So a few weekends ago I attended the Michigan Music Conference. I got a hotel room to myself for the night and it was really...liberating and comforting experience to have.

I'm a commuter, coming to and from my parents house every single day. Already having one crumbling experience of a moving-out situation going sour, I had given up hope I'd ever be out, or feeling like I was out, for a long, long time. And that was fine -- I could accept it and move on.

But then I got this hotel room for an entire night to myself. And its not like I was going to be wasting time there -- I needed to *prepare* myself for the following morning of endless walking to education sessions, performances, and sight-seeing.

So, I placed my things in piles about the room, made some coffee, took a shower, walked around naked a while to grab a few things I forgot for my shower from my room, meditated via Zune, set an alarm, and slept soundly through the night.

I didn't realize just how precious the experience was until I arrived back home with my family. Mom would call to ask me if I got lonely, and happilly enough...I didn't! There were times I did get fearful, a usual sort of solitary feeling in a place I didn't know, but I gave it up to God for the night. Once I got past that, I really enjoyed doing my own thing and taking care of myself. I take advantage of so, so much back home, really hadn't realized how dependent I am (and most likely will be for a few more years to come).

Hopefully more opportunities like this will present themselves, otherwise I'll continue my life as a commuter, devoid of much independent life.