Surprising myself

It often surprises me when:

Someone actually wants to converse with me (especially when I don't know him/her that well), maybe I should re-phrase this one...someone actually is LOOKING AT ME meaningfully when he/she is talking to me
Someone reminds me I'm important
I can influence others
I can make something happen that might not have happened before, or as successfully
When I receive a compliment
When I am thanked
Someone asks me for advice
When I know I am important


Call me a downer, but I tend to have a low opinion of myself lately.


I like list entries.

My Night of Alone

This is my first ever post! PLEASE comment. The good ones stay, the bad ones get added to a special blog I may or may not publish someday...

So a few weekends ago I attended the Michigan Music Conference. I got a hotel room to myself for the night and it was really...liberating and comforting experience to have.

I'm a commuter, coming to and from my parents house every single day. Already having one crumbling experience of a moving-out situation going sour, I had given up hope I'd ever be out, or feeling like I was out, for a long, long time. And that was fine -- I could accept it and move on.

But then I got this hotel room for an entire night to myself. And its not like I was going to be wasting time there -- I needed to *prepare* myself for the following morning of endless walking to education sessions, performances, and sight-seeing.

So, I placed my things in piles about the room, made some coffee, took a shower, walked around naked a while to grab a few things I forgot for my shower from my room, meditated via Zune, set an alarm, and slept soundly through the night.

I didn't realize just how precious the experience was until I arrived back home with my family. Mom would call to ask me if I got lonely, and happilly enough...I didn't! There were times I did get fearful, a usual sort of solitary feeling in a place I didn't know, but I gave it up to God for the night. Once I got past that, I really enjoyed doing my own thing and taking care of myself. I take advantage of so, so much back home, really hadn't realized how dependent I am (and most likely will be for a few more years to come).

Hopefully more opportunities like this will present themselves, otherwise I'll continue my life as a commuter, devoid of much independent life.