Why I am always Without-a-Doubt Depressed during the Holidays

Each list item applies every year -- they aren't specific to just this year.

• Too much time to think
  
• School just ended for a time; I feel less productive day to day
• Increased feeling of isolation and loneliness
  
• Stress from being around my family, shopping, commercialism, over-stimulation, etc.
• Mounting pressure for the new year; personal expectations forming and growing
  
• Realization that I'm no closer to feeling loved than I was January 1st
• I'll even go so far as to say: it is always a bad energy time of year for me. If you believe, or have noticed, that each year has a rhythm, astrological or otherwise, then you might be able to acknowledge that certain times of year just spell disaster emotionally and psychologically at certain times. This is one of those times. I have yet to experience December 5th to about mid-January any other way than this, even growing up. Although, this year may be the first time I am openly communicative about it than I ever have had bravery enough to do.
  

So, all I can do is try and reach a few goals, speak openly and honestly as I can with my loved ones, and try and find some focus within the mental mayhem.

My Ever - Updating Book List

**update on August 24, 2011. This is getting pretty tiresome. I'm ending the updating list. I'll still always blog about cool books, but the list I'm dropping pronto.


My Book List starting as of December 1st, 2010 and onwards. I continually update it. It keeps re-formatting to be double spaced, so I'll just keep it that way.

What I'm reading right now (near the top is more ongoing, near the bottom is cover to cover)

• Zondervan TNIV Study Bible, Zondervan NIV Pocket Bible, Harper-Collins Study Bible NRSV, CEV Holy Bible, Inspired By Media OT and NT recordings
  


• Poetry Daily: 366 Poems from the World's Most Popular Poetry Website edited by Boller, Selby, and Yost
  
  
• The Intellectual Devotional by David Kidder and Noah Oppenheim
  
  
• How to Read the Bible for All Its Worth by Gordon D. Fee and Douglas Stuart
  
  
• Harry, A History by Melissa Anelli
  
  
• Book of Tea by K. Okakura
  
  

*new* Time spent listening to Audio Books since 12/1/2010

• Mere Christianity by C. S. Lewis, narrated by Geoffrey Howard ~ 6 hours
• Crazy Love by Francis Chan ~ 4.5 hours
• In Search of #6 by Damon Timm ~ 9 hours
• Les Miserables by Victor Hugo, Playaway version ~ 12 hours
  

Total: 31.5 hours

What I Have Read from 12/1/2010 onward (not in sequential order, includes books I read cover to cover or continually read)

• Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan
  
  
• The Birth Order Book by Dr. Kevin Leman
  
  
• Feeling Fat, Fuzzy, or Frazzled? by Richard and Karilee Shames
  
  
• The Well-Educated Mind by Susan Wise Bauer
  
  
• Poetry Daily: 366 Poems from the World's Most Popular Poetry Website edited by Boller, Selby, and Yost
  
  
• The Intellectual Devotional by David Kidder and Noah Oppenheim
  
  
• The Me I Want To Be by John Ortberg
  
  
• What Your Doctor May Not Tell You about Hypothyroidism by Ken Blanchard
  
  
• Protein Power by Michael and Mary Eades


• Desire by Amanda Quick
  


• The Young Man and the Sea by Rodman Philbrick


• The Last Book in the Universe by Rodman Philbrick
  


• The Fire Pony by Rodman Philbrick
  


• Max the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick
  


• Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes


• Freak the Mighty by Rodman Philbrick


• Know Your Cat: Understand How Your Cat Thinks and Behaves by Francesca Riccomini


• Your Body's Many Cries for Water: You Are Not Sick, You are Thirsty! by Fereydoon Batmanghelidj, M. D.


• Zondervan TNIV Study Bible (continuous)


• The Harper-Collins Study Bible (NRSV) (reference often)


• The Music Teacher: A Novel by Barbara Hall A favorite quote just for Therese relating to the time I revealed the "secret" to being a musician one day over a meal at Applebees: "The secret is something that only musicians understand. Music does not come from us. It comes through us...It's you and it isn't you. But how can that be?...How can there be a third thing that comes to life just because you've drawn a bow across some strings? It's the mystery of the Trinity. How can there be three Gods and only one? How it can be ceases to matter at some point. It only is, and that is the secret. That is the "it". Alchemy. Spinning all the parts into gold...It was what made Michelangelo pound the knee of his Moses and demand it to speak. It cannot be, but it is, and there is so much more of it than we can understand. An then, once we've glimpsed it, they expect us to walk around in the world with everyone else...This is the thing you stop talking about early on, but it haunts you, this knowing that there is something beyond you and your hapless plans and that it has picked you out as its messenger. Like Mary in the manger, you keep all these things and ponder them in your heart. Mary said yes to her assignment. But most of us say maybe. Which is worse than no."


• A Place for Truth: Leading Thinkers Explore Life's Hardest Questions edited by Dallas Willard


• The Spark: The 28-day Breakthrough Plan for Losing Weight, Getting Fit, and Transforming Your Life by Chris Downie


• Out of Sync: A Memoir by Lance Bass


• Power vs. Force: The Hidden Detriments of Human Behavior by David Hawkins

What I Want to Read:

• The Confessions by Augustine
  
  
• The Life of Saint Teresa of Avila by Herself by Teresa of Avila
  
  
• Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners by John Bunyan
  
  
• The Autobiography of Benjamin Franklin
  
  
• Walden by Henry David Thoreau
  
  
• An Autobiography: The Story of My Experiments with Truth by Mohandas Gandhi
  
  
• The Seven Storey Mountain by Thomas Merton
  
  
• Surprised by Joy: The Shape of My Early Life by C. S. Lewis
  
  
• Journal of a Solitude by May Sarton
  
  
• The Road from Coorain by Jill Ker Conway
  
  
• All Rivers Run to the Sea: Memoirs by Elie Wiesel
  
  
• Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes
  
  
• The House of Mirth by Edith Wharton
  
  
• Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer
  
  
• The Stranger by Albert Camus
  
  
• If on a winter's night a traveler by Italo Calvino
  
  
• Possession by A. S. Byatt
  
  
• Quicksilver by Neal Stephenson (and maybe all the rest in the cylce)


• The Student Conductor by Robert Ford


• Unfinished Tales by J.R.R Tolkien


• The Talisman by Stephen King and Peter Straub


• The Stand by Stephen King


• The Shining by Stephen King


• Once Around the Realms by Brian Thomsen


• Evermeet: Island of the Elves by Elaine Cunningham


• The Shadow Stone by Richard Baker


• The Glass Prison by Monte Cook


• Pool of Radiance: The Ruins of Myth Drannor by Carrie Bebris


• The Greater Trumps by Charles Williams


• The Castle of Crossed Destinies by Italo Calvino


• Tarot by Piers Anthony


• Holy Fools by Joanna Harris


• Little, Big by John Crowley


• Labyrinth by Kate Mosse


• The Wishing Garden by Christy Yorke


• The Grift by Debra Ginsberg


• A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens


• The Book of Lost Tales (1 and 2) by J.R.R. Tolkien


• The Tolkien Reader by J.R.R. Tolkien


• Saving Fish from Drowning by Amy Tan


• Frankenstein by Mary Shelley


• The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas


• everything else on my bookcase I haven't read! (I will add them when I read them)

Also, If you're seeking a way to rid yourself of books you no longer want in exchange for some *you* want, do check out www.paperbackswap.com. Instead of taking your books to a used book sale, send them individually to people who actually want them! In return, you get a "credit" and get to order one to be sent to you! Love, love, love the website: www.paperbackswap.com